Knowing What I've Done
by locurabella
Summary: Song OneShot. Brucas...What could happen in season five


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Knowing what I've done

Lucas Scott sat in his office, relaxing for a short break. He was mentally exhausted with his new book, that had a deadline in two weeks. He had most of it completed, but he couldn't take his mind off the main character. He wanted to create a keen description of her; something the reader could recognize and realize that the character itself was not a fake. Like any other author, compose the story and its characters to come to life.

Lucas leaned slightly on his leather chair. He scanned his surrounding, mostly of the pictures that hung on the walls or stood on his desk. A smile formed from his lips, his eyes had landed on the last picture of the whole gang from Tree Hill; the day they were no longer apart of the Tree Hill High School, the last day the were together.

It has now been five years since that day, and so much has passed.

Love…

Despair…

Hate…

Remorse…

That summer five years ago, Lucas was currently dating Peyton Sawyer; his epic love throughout high school. It wasn't until senior the he and Peyton had finally got together…it didn't last long.

Once she was off to L.A. to her internship, the voice behind the security of their relationship whispered, _it won't last_.

It didn't, between the first month of being apart, Peyton had met someone. Lucas knew better than to be angry, it was inevitable. She was on the other side of the country, while he was still in North Carolina. They're friends today, but friends only. That love they went through hell, was as it is now called, high school crush; teen love. Their _love _ was not as Nathan and Haley's; today their together and happier than ever with James…while he was as he started before Peyton, single.

Lucas eye's then stopped at another once love interest. Her smile still could light up any room, any place; his heart.

Two years with the beautiful brunette, when all he conquered with her was to break her heart…not once, but twice.

If there is anytime he wished he could go back in time, the day would be before he cheated on her the first time.

Brooke Davis…

Now known as world famous fashion designer, engaged to a famous movie actor, what's his face…he didn't care. He cared about her.

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I'm gonna tell you what you need to hear  
And I'm a little too late  
By three or four years

And it may not make much sense  
Now that we are apart  
But I'm going to stop pretending  
That I didn't break your heart

After everyone went their separate ways, they said to one another they would stay in touch. They weren't. He blamed himself for that as well. After Peyton dumped him, Brooke had called Lucas various times; he ignored her. He didn't want her pity, he was mad. Channeling that anger towards her was his worst decision he ever made. Because of that, he doesn't even believe that this day they are friends. He hasn't spoken to her in the last four and a half years.

How ridiculous he felt to had have a love triangle with two best friends, when in the end he realized he loved and put most effort to his _Cheery_; the one he let slip away.

He didn't even try after his anger toward Peyton. He didn't bother to call, or keep in contact, even if it was voicemails, or plain emails on myspace. His reluctance to face the truth of hurting her, made him shameful. Being friends was to hard on him…after he came to know, he still loved her.

He loved her smile, her dimples, her heart, her personality. The whole package, with or without her flaws.

He wanted her back, though was too much of a coward to ring a familiar number. The closest he was to Brooke, could hear her voice was through the television.

Interviews, award ceremonies, talk shows…name it, she was on it. As always, a social butterfly.

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You see I never thought enough of myself  
To realize that losing me could mean  
Something like the tears in your eyes  
And I want to tell you I'm sorry  
And it's too late to start  
But I'm going to stop pretending  
That I didn't break your heart

As the years went by, the pain slowly went away. He thinks of Brooke, but not as he used to. He is happy she is happy; he wished her happiness. For his life, his dream came true as well. He has wrote two novels and on his third, with this one sitting on his desk.

Though on and off, his mind goes back to that night of the storm, where he declared his love to her, and she to him. That moment was perfect, the rain itself was wonderful. Both wet, kissing; a fairly unusual romantic moment in time.

Then it happened it, for the second time. Brooke had discovered at Nathan and Haley's second wedding that he had kissed Peyton during the shootings. Her tears broke his heart, and soon after the awful accident with limo on the bridge, she had ended what they had for two years…what he screwed up, again.

After that, everything is a blur; hooking up with Peyton, prom, Derek, up to the end of high school party. Where he told her about her description of his first novel. Her beautiful smile warmed his heart as he read her the passage about her. Soon after they shared a hug, though it lasted more than intentionally. He smelled her scent; had her near him for the last time. After, they both looked into each others eyes, and saw a flash of hope, though it was dismissed quickly.

The sounds of out of control teens, echoed the room, making Brooke kiss Lucas on the cheek one last time. The kiss rattled his body, a shock of sensation. She had known too, because she quickly smiled, and left the room quickly to be with Chase, her then boyfriend.

They could have been together, if his lust for Peyton didn't pop up when they were most happy. His raging hormones.

And it's Christmas eve  
Years down the line  
Sitting here wishing I'd treated you better  
When you were mine  
And I have no way of knowing where you are  
But I'm going to stop pretending  
That I didn't break your heart

From all the guilt periods he went through with Brooke, her voice of getting caught will never leave his mind the first time:

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" Brooke, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, sorry you got caught."

"We didn't mean to hurt you."

"You did not just say that to me."

"Look we didn't plan any of this. It just happened."

"Go to hell."

He wondered if they were to ever meet face to face, what would happen? Would they talk casually? Talk awkwardly? Talk at all?

He knew the answer.

She would be hurt that he never called her, or tried or keep in touch. She had to hear about him from her other friends, or the news. Also Brooke would be mad, then again, who wouldn't?

Lucas shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. He slowly looked up at the picture frame of the gang one last time, though directly at her.

"I miss you…" he whispered. A couple seconds later, he opened his laptop and wrote the last lines on the remaining chapter; once he heard a long time ago himself.

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"So you lied to me to punish me?! How could you do that?"

"How could you cheat on me with my best friend?"

"I never meant to hurt you."

"That doesn't really matter. 'Cause in the end, it all hurts just the same."

Typing the last lines, he reread the page. He now knew what he could name his third romance novel:

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Knowing what I've done

Ending the chapter, he closed his laptop once more to work again the next morning. Lucas' mind was set, reliving and flashing back to the memories; he couldn't be a coward anymore.

Didn't matter is Brooke was taken, being her friend was better than nothing. Better than just a memory of a guy that broke her heart twice with the same girl that was her best friend and again, though for not keeping in touch, like he promised.

Lucas reached for his cell phone, that laid on the edge of the desk, he then flipped it open and took a deep breath.

The dialing number began to ring, and a knot in his stomach began to form.

"…Hello?" Brooke answered sweetly as he always remembered. Lucas took another deep breath, and smiled.

"Hello Brooke, it's me, Lucas…" and the conversation flowed naturally; Lucas was ready to apologize for everything. He wasn't going to let her slip away, again.

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I didn't mean to hurt you  
I didn't know what I was doing  
But I know what I have done

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I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart

By Eels

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This was a challenge for another board on season 5 about couples. It doesn't matter if I win or not, I'm content with my first Brucas OneShot. Replies would be love!

-Alex


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